Kathy Vance

Archive for the ‘Blog’ Category

Soon it’ll be Spring again, so much to do, so easy to leave the cocooning restrictions of winter behind. But winter is a good time to take a break. To have one meaningful talk with a friend a week, to sit side by side, to look ahead into the future together. Connection, whether in person, by phone, skype or email is what life is all about. Really. Even in winter.

The Gift of Fear,  Protecting the Gift   Over the holidays I digitalized my music collection and also went through the books on my bookshelf with the goal of re-cycling those I probably won’t read again.   Gavin de Becker’s books are definite keepers.   They never leave my home, I don’t even like to lend them out.  I encourage one and all to buy copies of your own.  Of all the self-help books I know of, these two mean the most to me.  They actually represent lives saved in my counseling practice.   The information in these two books will give you confidence and the ability to protect yourself in threatening circumstances.  Much as I love my ability to think things through cognitively, I love my gut instinct more.  When it counts the most in life, we need to act and react quickly by listening to our instincts.  

Where there are sheep there are wolves.   Gavin DeBecker wants his readers to stay alive through anxious times, to trust their impromptu skills.  Google him.  Check out his Mosaic threat assessment system.    For those of you who read and then teach others, especially children, the preventive lessons provided in these books give peace of mind.   Prevention (error avoidance) is the best predictor for lowering stress/anxiety.  This knowledge informs my psychotherapy practice.  Let it inform your life too.  Let’s  each one teach one to grow in strength.  Happy New Year!

Finding out who we really are is the first step to becoming our authentic selves.  Years ago when I had an Irish Setter  I went to a lecture by a dog trainer.  A woman stood up in the audience and said to the trainer that her dog ate like a horse and ran and swam and seemed anxious all the time.  What can I do, she asked.  The trainer answered:  “You’re describing an Irish Setter”.   Moral of the story?  Identify and take responsibility for what you’ve got and deal with the reality.   In simple terms this describes what my clients and I do together in my psychotherapy practice.  We identify, we  get to what needs to be done to fix whatever’s not working for you,  and then, together, we  turn our direction towards tomorrow.

My teenage years were very unstable, both emotionally and physically.  My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and his fear of falling was a constant worry in our family.  Uneven ground seemed to rise up to meet him and his internal balancing mechanism was too slow to respond.   Partly as a response to his condition I took martial arts lessons.  In Judo, before you can defend or attack, you have to learn how to fall.  Later, as an adult when I was studying the Feldenkrais Method, we had to learn how to fall before learning how to stand on our heads. 

Life is full of bumps in the road. Learning to fall with a sense of artful grace creates enormous confidence in the face of uneven emotional ground and fractured times.  It is completely possible to take disappointments in stride,  to learn to fall and get back up again.  I offer you my experience, my training, and my eagerness to help you get back on track.

My hairdresser once told me that he recognized his clients’ vitality or illness by the condition of their hair. Weird but true, we humans are covered with as much hair as gorillas.  The function of hair is to connect us with our feelings.   Sudden fear makes the hair stands up on your arms and on the back of your neck.  When someone you like strokes your arm, warm emotional conductivity is increased through the hair.  We are bodily designed to be in touch.  We are designed to be social beings,  connected to one another.  .