Sitting in their container these red lentils are on hold.  The candle is unlit, the coffee has yet to feel the heat. 

According to a well known Chinese saying,  if you want to see the future, look into the present.   What we do now affects the future.  If we do nothing, nothing will happen differently.

Sometimes the only thing that seems to be moving in our lives are our emotions, causing all kinds of stress and anxiety.  Cascades of emotional events happen to us,  they can bring us to the boiling point, yet we aren’t doing anything to manage the heat.  Often it’s our loved ones or co-workers who point out to us that we’re fumbling the ball, or ‘losing it’.  We’re told to take it easy, smell the roses, take a valium, have a drink, get laid, don’t sweat the small stuff, get retail therapy, go on a holiday.   Temporary gratification can be fun, but if you want to ignite the candle and the match doesn’t strike, the candle will not shine its light.

Can you see your own eye lashes without looking into a mirror?  Once we can identify the markers in ourselves that others can point out to us but that we can only feel, not see,  we can intercede on our own behalf and make the duration and frequency of how much we fall short of our own potential so much shorter.

In the safety zone of my office you can express yourself fully and  privately.  You will leave my office with tools to navigate your emotions, identify practical next steps forward, and a lighter heart.

This is a fascinating video, both for its content and for the technology used to deliver it.

The Gift of Fear,  Protecting the Gift   Over the holidays I digitalized my music collection and also went through the books on my bookshelf with the goal of re-cycling those I probably won’t read again.   Gavin de Becker’s books are definite keepers.   They never leave my home, I don’t even like to lend them out.  I encourage one and all to buy copies of your own.  Of all the self-help books I know of, these two mean the most to me.  They actually represent lives saved in my counseling practice.   The information in these two books will give you confidence and the ability to protect yourself in threatening circumstances.  Much as I love my ability to think things through cognitively, I love my gut instinct more.  When it counts the most in life, we need to act and react quickly by listening to our instincts.  

Where there are sheep there are wolves.   Gavin DeBecker wants his readers to stay alive through anxious times, to trust their impromptu skills.  Google him.  Check out his Mosaic threat assessment system.    For those of you who read and then teach others, especially children, the preventive lessons provided in these books give peace of mind.   Prevention (error avoidance) is the best predictor for lowering stress/anxiety.  This knowledge informs my psychotherapy practice.  Let it inform your life too.  Let’s  each one teach one to grow in strength.  Happy New Year!

Finding out who we really are is the first step to becoming our authentic selves.  Years ago when I had an Irish Setter  I went to a lecture by a dog trainer.  A woman stood up in the audience and said to the trainer that her dog ate like a horse and ran and swam and seemed anxious all the time.  What can I do, she asked.  The trainer answered:  “You’re describing an Irish Setter”.   Moral of the story?  Identify and take responsibility for what you’ve got and deal with the reality.   In simple terms this describes what my clients and I do together in my psychotherapy practice.  We identify, we  get to what needs to be done to fix whatever’s not working for you,  and then, together, we  turn our direction towards tomorrow.

My teenage years were very unstable, both emotionally and physically.  My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease and his fear of falling was a constant worry in our family.  Uneven ground seemed to rise up to meet him and his internal balancing mechanism was too slow to respond.   Partly as a response to his condition I took martial arts lessons.  In Judo, before you can defend or attack, you have to learn how to fall.  Later, as an adult when I was studying the Feldenkrais Method, we had to learn how to fall before learning how to stand on our heads. 

Life is full of bumps in the road. Learning to fall with a sense of artful grace creates enormous confidence in the face of uneven emotional ground and fractured times.  It is completely possible to take disappointments in stride,  to learn to fall and get back up again.  I offer you my experience, my training, and my eagerness to help you get back on track.

My hairdresser once told me that he recognized his clients’ vitality or illness by the condition of their hair. Weird but true, we humans are covered with as much hair as gorillas.  The function of hair is to connect us with our feelings.   Sudden fear makes the hair stands up on your arms and on the back of your neck.  When someone you like strokes your arm, warm emotional conductivity is increased through the hair.  We are bodily designed to be in touch.  We are designed to be social beings,  connected to one another.  .